Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

Guns in Schools


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According to the CBS Boston local news website, a five year old school boy recently made a toy gun out of Legos, then ran around his classroom pointing it at other students while making shooting noises.  So the school made the boy’s mother sign a paper saying that if the child did this again he would be suspended.  According to the superintendent, the school has a responsibility to create an atmosphere of respect in which students “feel comfortable and not intimidated in school.”

You can read about it here:

A few questions come to mind:

  1. Why was the student allowed to run around the room?  Would it have been o.k if he had been walking?
  2. Why not just take away the Legos? Or require that students have a license to play with them?
  3. Could this have been the offending student’s (misguided) way of making the other students respect him?
  4. What should be done if the student trades in his Legos for a “hand gun?”  You know, what if he points his finger and raises his thumb to make a gun?


This morning as I was greeting students in the hallway at Backpack Middle School on their way to first period, one of my 8th graders came along with his hand in the shape of a gun.  Personally, I think he was simply pointing at something down the hallway, but these days we can’t be too cautious.

“Stephen (not his real name),” I called, waving for him to stop and come see me.  “What are you doing with that gun?  You know that is supposed to be left in your locker during school hours.”

He looked down at his hand, then back up at me.

“Next time, I’ll have to confiscate it and turn it in to the office, and your parents will have to come into the school to get it back for you.” I told him.  “Now, holster that thing before someone gets hurt.”

So with a grin, he stuck his hand in his pocket and went on to class.


What If…?

News Flash!

The Backpack Community School Corporation announced today that with its first round draft pick it has selected Mr. Brian Tyner as its new 7th grade English teacher.  He will take the place of Backpack Middle School teacher Mr. Joseph Franklin, whose contract was not renegotiated when he became an unrestricted free agent.

“I’m really excited to be joining the Backpack school system.  Go Bulldogs!” said Tyner, who is leaving Hoosier University early to join BMS.  He is one of the first to benefit from the new Snag-a-Teacher program designed to identify the most promising talent, get them teaching early, and give them college credit for time spent in the classroom.

Some have criticized Sn.a.T., saying it will lead to a “one and done” system that discourages future teachers from finishing college.  BCSC officials dismiss this, however, saying teachers like Tyner will be under the direct supervision of experienced teacher/coaches, will teach a lighter load for their first two years, will continue taking college classes, and will receive credit for time spent in the classroom.

BCSC positioned itself to select Tyner by trading a science teacher and a second round draft pick, but officials are confident it was a good decision.

“Mr. Tyner has enormous potential,” said BCSC school board president Mrs. Becky Purdue.  “With this selection, we are making a significant investment in our students.”  Tyner has reportedly been offered a five year/$500,000 contract.

Superintendent James Donahue said, “He’s a franchise teacher.  With time we are confident Mr. Tyner will step into a leadership role on the 7th grade team.  He showed us some great stuff during the Pro Day workouts.  He is quick-witted, organized, and compassionate.  And his hallway presence between classes was imposing.  In short, this level of maturity is a rare find in one so young.  We couldn’t afford to pass him up.”

When asked about the effect Mr. Tyner’s celebrity will have among the more experienced faculty, Principal Dave Welby responded, “Our staff members are all professionals.  I don’t expect any drama in the teachers’ lounge.”

Tyner will be reporting to summer training camp in July, provided contract terms can be settled.