Pop Tarts Anonymous

Like everyone else, teachers have various ways of dealing with stress.  But Ms. Perry seems to have gone overboard with one particular coping mechanism, and she is blaming me.

Apparently, this started back on March 16, the night the Backpack Middle School Band went to contest.  We returned to BMS at about 9:30 p.m.; it was probably 10:00 before I finally left for home.  Though it was late, I made a stop at the store to satisfy a sudden craving for Pop Tarts.  I don’t get to eat them very often (the last time was many moons ago), but when I do, I like them toasted and buttered.  The problem was, I couldn’t eat just one.  Before I knew it, I had eaten four.  I only stopped when I read on the box that each tart has app. 200 calories.  Besides, I was pretty full and feeling satisfied, and strangely unashamed.

On the following Monday I happened to mention this little escapade to some other teachers in the lunch room, one of whom was Ms. Perry.  But in retrospect, had I known the effect it would have on her I would have kept it to myself.

Today, a full two months later, she blurted out to the lunch crowd that my little indulgence had worked a profound effect on her as she has eaten untold numbers of Pop Tarts since, and there seems to be no end in sight.

“I’ve been eating them every morning and every evening, at home and in the car,” she told us.

“How is that my fault?” I asked.

“You’re the one who mentioned them to me,” she answered.

“Yeah, but that was two months ago.”

“I know,” she said, “that’s when it started.  It’s gotten to the point that I don’t care if they are toasted or not.  I just eat them right out of the box.  The other day I found a pack under the seat in my car.  It was a mess, mostly crumbs, but I didn’t care.  I just kept stuffing the pieces in my mouth.”

“Have you been eating them alone in the dark?  Perhaps we should do an intervention.  We are going to need to cut off your supply.  Cold turkey would probably be best.”

By this time everyone was laughing.  I looked up at the clock and saw that it was almost time to get back to class.  As I stood to leave, my lunch bag fell open revealing a Ding Dong.  Ms. Perry sort of gasped.

“No doubt I’ll hear about this after Summer Break,” I said.

“No doubt,” she shot back.


11 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Marcus. on May 18, 2012 at 11:59 pm



  2. Posted by Angela Shaver on May 19, 2012 at 8:43 am

    How can anyone eat sooo many pop tarts without feeling sick?


  3. Posted by Marcus Shaver on May 19, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Actually, My ipod gave off that ol’ “Boing! Message for you sir!” sound notifying me that there was a new hall pass post and I figured that as long as i was awake I might as well reply. maybe I should put it on silence at night…


  4. Posted by Marcus Shaver on May 19, 2012 at 10:33 am

    oh, and you’re lucky ’cause you’ve got pop-tarts and Ding-Dongs. I can’t remember the last time I had either of those.


    • I was just kidding with you about the late hour. I just didn’t think anyone else would be up at that time. And I haven’t had a Pop Tart since March, not that I haven’t wanted one…

      As for Ding Dongs… Aunt Cynthia sometimes buys them when they are on sale. But now I know what to get you for Christmas.


  5. Posted by Mark S. on May 19, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Too funny! I’m laughing so hard I’m now coughing! Fun! – Carol


  6. Posted by Marcus. on May 19, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    Yeah, I figured. 😉
    I didn’t know you would be here this Christmas.
    Hmm… Interesting.
    Actually, I really don’t like having my own stash of food. Not to mention that IOU from last Christmas.


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